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Many daters, especially in big cities, set up multiple dates over the course of an evening: Friends of mine, when really invested and committed to the process, have averaged three dates with three different prospects in a week.

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Keep looking for those basic tenets of kindness, character, and respect. How does your date discuss the current nature of his or her life? Daters generally tell you who they are, the question is: How does your date react to your life, your goals, and your plans?

Some people dominate the conversation with their goals and dreams.

They are looking for a plus-one who will fit into their life, not a partnership in which two dynamic timelines will need to merge into one. How does your date talk about family, friends, and exes?

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Maybe you connect easily, have a marathon date, and wind up talking about some deep issues. You can and should talk about the big stuff whenever it feels natural and right. However, beware the person who has a lot of broken relationships, and talks about others with resentment or ire. Lots of narcissists are charismatic.

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They can create chemistry. You may feel you connect with them instantly — so beware the love-bomberwho showers you with attention, sweet-talks you right off the bat, and attempts to create an automatic relationship to suck you in. Watch how your dates casually discuss people who have passed through their lives. Can they be critical of themselves when appropriate?

Are they taking that information, applying it, and trying to create stronger relationships in the future?


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